Establishing a stronger connection with your grown children as you advance in age: Farewell to these insidious actions

In the complex landscape of relationships between parents and adult children, the balance between speaking and listening can often be a delicate one. According to experts, talking more than listening may imply that your voice matters more than theirs, potentially creating a barrier to true connection.

The ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus once wisely stated, "We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak." This sage advice holds particularly true in the context of parent-adult child relationships.

Vulnerability, as championed by renowned researcher Brené Brown, is the foundation upon which love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity are built. By sharing our own vulnerabilities, we create an environment where our adult children feel safe to do the same.

Maintaining a close relationship with your adult children isn't about grand gestures, but the little, everyday choices you make. Instead of lecturing, try listening. Respect boundaries instead of crossing them. Encourage instead of criticizing.

It's important to note that if you find yourself exhibiting one (or more) of these behaviours, it doesn't necessarily mean you've lost your chance at a closer relationship with your adult children. Awareness is the first step towards change.

Presenting oneself as flawless can unintentionally create distance from your children, as they can't relate to a pedestal. By acknowledging our flaws and sharing small cracks in our own vulnerability, we make it easier for our adult children to do the same.

Listening-really listening-means putting aside your own agenda, nodding, asking open questions, and holding back the urge to fix. It's about valuing your adult children's perspectives and experiences as much as your own.

Your bond with your adult children can be one of the most rewarding relationships of your life, and it's never too late to make it stronger. For practical ways to unlearn habits that hold us back from real closeness, consider reading the author's book, "Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship."

In the realm of parent-adult child relationships, several authors stand out. Dr. med. Agathe Israel, a neurologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst with a focus on early childhood and parent-child relationships, offers valuable insights. Similarly, Dr. med. Ludwig Janus, a psychoanalyst with interests in prenatal psychology and parent-child dynamics from before birth, provides a unique perspective.

In conclusion, fostering a closer relationship with your adult children requires a shift towards active listening, empathy, and vulnerability. By making these small, everyday choices, you can build a stronger, more rewarding bond that lasts a lifetime.