Intimate Relationships: Discrepancies in Sexual Desires

Intimate Connectivity Amidst Divergent Desires: Sexual Dysbalance

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In a relationship spanning nearly eight years, the couple, known as 'Sexually Frustrated', are grappling with a common issue among couples: mismatched libidos. Morgan Mandriota, Psych Central's sex and relationship writer, offers guidance in her latest advice column, "Sex, Love, and All of the Above."

Mandriota, a New York-based writer, specializes in creating content about sex, relationships, mental health, and alternative approaches to wellness. Her work has been published in numerous publications, including Betches, Bumble, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, Health, mindbodygreen, Shape, Tinder, Verywell Mind, and Well+Good.

The couple's story begins with a difference in sexual needs and responses. The writer, a very sexual person, finds themselves feeling disconnected and frustrated due to the lack of sex. On the other hand, the husband requires being in the right mindset to be turned on, a trait that often clashes with the writer's spontaneous desires.

Sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of Early to Bed, a sex shop in Chicago, affirms that this issue is prevalent among couples. Deysach emphasizes that everyone has different sexual needs and responses, and sex drives can fluctuate for various reasons, such as stress, age, and medications.

Deysach suggests redefining 'sex' to include a variety of intimate activities beyond penetration. Setting aside a specific time for sex can be helpful for couples with mismatched libidos. Masturbation can also provide relief and satisfaction for one partner without relying on the other.

Communication is key in managing mismatched sex drives and the resulting frustration. The writer brings up the issue of their sex life almost monthly, but the husband's response is always "I just need to be better," without any concrete steps being taken. Consulting a couples counselor or sex therapist can help address these issues.

A third-party professional can help couples work through what might be getting in their way or help them transition their relationship to one where this issue is no longer a factor. Deysach notes that everyone has the right to practice masturbation, regardless of their relationship status.

Reflecting on one's needs and the sustainability of the relationship is important if sex is essential for personal well-being. In a sexless relationship, being the partner with a higher libido can be challenging. But as Mandriota points out, "Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life."

Mandriota's passion project, Highly Untamed, continues to provide insightful advice and resources for those seeking to improve their sex lives and relationships. You can sign up for Psych Central's weekly newsletter to keep up with new monthly installments of "Sex, Love, and All of the Above."

Searah Deysach, a sex educator and the proprietor of Early to Bed, offers a welcoming and affirming space for marginalized communities at her sex shop in Chicago. The exact location of the shop is not specified in the available information.

The couple's journey towards intimacy is a reminder that communication, understanding, and a willingness to seek help are crucial in navigating the complexities of relationships.