Mourning the Death of a Mother: Strategies for Daughters to Cope Effectively

Mourning the Demise of a Mother: Strategies for Daughters to Cope Effectively

In the journey of life, losing a mother is a profound and life-altering experience. Several authors have used their personal experiences to create poignant works that reflect the complexities of grief and the family history of mental illness.

Bettina Flitner's autofictional novel "Meine Mutter" (My Mother) delves into the author's loss of her mother to suicide, offering a raw and honest exploration of the family's history with grief and mental illness. Similarly, Nora Gomringer's first novel is a book of mourning about the loss of her mother, offering a lyrical approach to processing grief. Caroline Wahl's "Windstärke 17" tells the story of Ida, who is coping with the loss of her mother to alcoholism, delving into her feelings of loss, guilt, and hope.

Grief can impair daily functioning and persist for longer than a year. In such cases, seeking the support of a mental health professional can be beneficial. A 2015 study found that women have a more intense grief response and more difficulty adjusting to the loss of a parent compared to men. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.) lists a range of normal emotions that can occur in the year following parental loss, including regret, remorse, anxiety, guilt, emptiness, rage, anger, sadness, and numbness.

Grief from losing a mother can cause a variety of physical and psychological effects, including increased chances of cancer, cardiac issues, immune disorders, and high blood pressure. The loss can have negative effects on both daughters and sons, but women are more likely to experience increased symptoms such as binge drinking, a decline in self-esteem, and a lower level of personal mastery. Daughters who lose their mother may experience grief differently than sons, and cultural and tradition losses, as well as a lack of maternal guidance, can leave one feeling lost and disconnected from those closest.

However, it's important to remember that support can be found beyond blood relatives. Seeking the guidance and understanding of maternal figures can provide comfort during this difficult time. Keeping up with traditions, such as making recipes or using the same fragrances, can help ease the burden of loss. Starting new traditions can provide comfort knowing they will be carried on by future generations.

Honoring a mother's memory can take various forms, such as donating to her favourite charity, achieving goals she aspired for, or any personal act that carries her memory forward. Focusing on happy reminders such as pictures, books, or keepsakes can provide comfort during the grieving process.

If grief becomes unbearable and one is considering self-harm or suicide, help is available immediately: Call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, chat at 988Lifeline.org, or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. If grief persists for more than a year and interferes with daily tasks, speaking with a mental health professional may be beneficial.

Local support groups, online chat forums, and mental health professionals can provide assistance throughout the grieving process. The American Psychological Association's Psychologist Locator can help find a grief recovery specialist. Books such as "Healing After the Loss of Your Mother: A Grief & Comfort Manual" by Elaine Mallon, "Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss" by Hope Edelman, and "How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide for Adults" by Lois F. Akner with Catherine Whitney can also provide comfort and guidance.

Offering support to others who have experienced parental loss can become an important part of someone's journey with grief. Mindfulness, the ability to focus on the moment and not follow thoughts down an emotional path, can help manage painful memories related to the loss of a mother.

In the end, losing a mother is a deeply personal experience. It's important to remember that everyone grieves differently, and it's okay to take the time needed to heal. By seeking support, honoring a mother's memory, and focusing on the positive, it's possible to navigate this difficult time and find a way forward.