Narcissists Employ Trauma Bonding and Sporadic Rewards to Hook Victims, Explaining Why Abuse Survivors Remain Connected
In the complex world of interpersonal relationships, one phenomenon stands out as particularly insidious: trauma bonding. This psychological attachment, which defies logic and is hard to break, is a common occurrence in abusive relationships.
Trauma bonding may manifest in various ways. An individual who is traumatized by an abusive relationship may find it difficult to break free, often defending the abuser, keeping transgressions secret, or feeling addicted to their validation and approval. This bond is strengthened by the biochemical addiction that develops in such relationships.
The biochemical addiction in abusive relationships is driven by a complex interplay of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol, and adrenaline. Contrary to what one might expect, these substances do not dampen the bond but rather strengthen it. For instance, dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for the pleasure center of the brain, flows more readily when there is an intermittent reinforcement schedule of affection and attention. This exacerbates the dangerous attachment to abusers.
The pattern of intermittent reinforcement, a mix of cruel, callous treatment and random bursts of affection, is a key factor in trauma bonding. Victims of abuse may perpetually seek the abuser's approval while settling for occasional positive behaviour. This phenomenon, known as the "small kindness perception," causes victims to perceive the abuser's rare positive behaviours in an amplified manner.
Trauma bonding is especially fierce in situations with repetitive cycles of abuse, a desire to rescue the abuser, and the presence of both seduction and betrayal. It forms due to a power differential, intermittent good and bad treatment, and high arousal and bonding periods.
The biochemical addiction in intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonding is similar to cocaine addiction, as love activates the same areas of the brain. This similarity underscores the addictive nature of these relationships and the difficulty victims face in breaking free.
However, there is hope. Working with a trauma-informed counselor can help process trauma, examine the cycle of abuse, reconnect with reality, and place responsibility where it truly belongs. The first step to breaking a trauma bond with an emotional or physical abuser is awareness that the bond is due to the addictive nature of the trauma bond and intermittent reinforcement, not the merits of the abuser or the relationship.
It's important to remember that malignant narcissistic abusers follow hardwired behaviours and will not change for anyone else. Abuse victims may feel a misplaced, unshakeable sense of loyalty and devotion to their abusers. However, understanding the science behind trauma bonding can empower victims to seek help and break free from the cycle of abuse.
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