Navigating a response to the question 'How was school?' can feel like extracting information from a stubborn entity. Here are some strategies to ease the exchange.

In the world of parenting, fostering open and meaningful conversations with children is key to understanding their experiences and building strong relationships. Here are some expert-backed tips for starting engaging conversations with children of different ages.

For high school children, conversation starters could include questions such as "What's something today that made you feel proud - or frustrated?", "What friend had your back this week?", and "What conversation stuck with you most today?" Multiple experts agree that these types of questions help children share concrete experiences and feelings about their day at school.

When it comes to elementary school children, questions like "What was the funniest thing that happened today?", "If your day was a color (or animal or emoji), what would it be?", and "What did a friend say that made you smile?" are effective conversation starters. These questions allow young children to express themselves creatively and share their emotions.

For middle school children, questions such as "What was something that surprised you today?", "Who did you hang out with at lunch?", and "What's something you worked on in class that made you think hard?" can help facilitate deeper conversations.

Carolina Estevez, a psychologist at Soba New Jersey, emphasises the importance of patience, presence, and respect when conversing with children. She suggests asking specific, open-ended questions to create ongoing opportunities for connection, such as "What was one thing that brought you joy today?" or "What was the funniest thing that happened?"

It's essential to avoid pressing a child to respond, as it may cause them to shut down. Joseph Laino, assistant director of clinical operations at Sunset Terrace Family Health Center at NYU Langone, explains that the standard question "How was school?" often falls flat because it sounds like a 'closed-ended' question, which can usually be answered with a monosyllabic response.

Instead, parents should show genuine curiosity and not approach conversation as a quiz. Showing interest in their children's lives can make them more likely to share and even enjoy the exchange.

Reesa Morala, a family therapist, agrees with Wetter and adds that these types of questions should be thoughtful, direct, and hard to answer with a one-line response. Parents should also respect privacy when their children decline to answer.

As children move into adolescence, their need for privacy grows, and parents must balance their curiosity with respect for their child's need for independence. Michael G. Wetter, a board-certified clinical psychologist and diplomate of the American Board of Professional Psychology, suggests framing curiosity as care and using invitations instead of demands, such as "Is it OK if I ask about how that group project is going?" or "I don't need every detail, but I'd love to know a little about what your day was like."

Right after school is often the worst time for children to answer questions because they are mentally and emotionally drained from a full day of structure, rules, and social navigation. Estevez states that children may indicate their readiness to talk through signs such as lingering nearby, opening with small talk, unusual chattiness, or asking questions. One-word answers, eye-rolling, retreating to their room, or earbuds-in are signs to wait.

In conclusion, open and meaningful conversations with children are crucial for building strong relationships and understanding their experiences. By asking thoughtful, open-ended questions, showing genuine curiosity, and respecting their privacy, parents can foster a supportive and engaging environment for their children to share their thoughts and feelings.