Hidden Self-Admiration: An Unveiling of Secret Egoism

Secretive Self-Absorption

In relationships, it's not uncommon to encounter individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits. One type, known as covert narcissism, is often more subtle and insidious than its overt counterpart. This form of narcissism can leave victims feeling confused, frustrated, and even questioning their own sanity.

A key tactic employed by covert narcissists is the bait and switch. They make promises and then fail to uphold them, often blaming the victim for their disappointment. This creates a cycle of hope and disappointment, leaving the victim feeling powerless and confused.

Another common tactic is the silent treatment. By withholding communication, covert narcissists can cause great pain and frustration, using this as a means to punish and control their partners.

Covert narcissists may also give double messages, acting happy and unhappy at the same time, or giving compliments that are actually insults. This creates an environment of uncertainty and confusion, making it difficult for the victim to trust their own perceptions.

Victims of covert narcissism often find themselves competing to show that they can love better, giving the narcissist a great deal of power, control, and narcissistic supply. This dynamic reinforces the narcissist's belief in their superiority and the victim's belief that they are at fault.

In an attempt to over-compensate, victims may try to show their narcissist how much they are loved. However, this only serves to reinforce the narcissist's belief that they are entitled to this treatment and can continue to expect it in the future.

Covert narcissists may refuse to be intimate, even in a romantic relationship, and may seek sex outside the relationship. They may use money or gifts to control people, expecting loyalty, sex on demand, silence, and even one's soul in return.

Acts of omission, such as failing to answer questions or engage on social media, are also common tactics used by covert narcissists. Implication is a favorite tool, implying that something is wrong with the victim without directly saying so. Covert narcissists may also use emotional trump cards, bringing up past confessions or weaknesses to manipulate during arguments.

It's important to note that covert narcissists are master liars, often convincing even themselves of their falsehoods. They may act innocent and clueless while simultaneously causing harm. Victims often feel that they are going crazy, losing themselves, feeling anxious and depressed, and having almost zero awareness that they are being abused.

For those seeking help and understanding, Angie Atkinson's book "Fortify Your Spirit – Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse" offers a valuable resource. By understanding the tactics used by covert narcissists, victims can begin to regain control of their lives and heal from the emotional wounds inflicted by these individuals.